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6 Hilarious Anti-Valentine's Day Treats

Feb 13, 2015 01:13 AM

Valentine's Day can seem like Singles Awareness Day if you're newly broken up, but that's all the more reason to treat yourself on this pink-and-red consumerist holiday. Whether you're happily single or bitter and bitchy, there's definitely something on this list of Anti-Valentine's Day treats to fit your mood. Remember: cake is still cake!

#1. Skewered Cake Pop Heads

If you're still reeling from a recent breakup, then this might just be the thing to make and enjoy this February 14th. If you're good with your hands, you can make them look like your most recent ex.

What You Need:

Cake pops (i.e., pre-made cake and frosting; instructions below)
White candy melts
Skewers (or chopsticks)
Cake decorating markers (black and red)
Cinnamon powder and/or instant hot chocolate powder (for hair)
Hawaiian Punch (for brains)

Cake Pops Instructions:

Mix some frosting and pre-made cake of your choice together well with your hands. (I use a ratio of 1 part frosting to 4 parts cake to make things easy.)
Roll and form into tight balls.
Freeze for 20-30 minutes before decorating.

Most cake pop recipes use a lot more frosting, but then I feel it becomes way too sweet. If you are using a very moist cake like cheesecake or pound cake, then you can even use less frosting. For these skewered head cake pops, I used macaroons instead of cake for a coconut flavor.

Skewered Head Cake Pops Instructions:

Draw some red "blood" onto your skewers with non-toxic markers or red cake decorating markers.
Once you've chilled your cake pops in the freezer, remove them and follow the microwave instructions for the candy melts. It only takes a few minutes—just remember to mix it well.
Color a small portion of the melted chocolate with cinnamon powder or instant hot chocolate powder for the hair. For the pink "brains," I used some Hawaiian Punch. (You can also buy different colored candy melts if you don't want to mess with creating different colors).

Stick each cake pop head onto a skewer.
Dip each skewered head into some white candy melt (or spread it on roughly with a knife).
These aren't pretty, so they don't have to look too smooth or perfect.
Continue with the brown candy melts to create hair. The candy melts dry quickly, so you shouldn't have trouble layering. Use toothpicks to apply the hair.
Stick a little bit of pink at the bottom for "brains."
Draw on faces with your cake decorating markers. Personalize as you wish.

#2. Impaled Heart Cupcakes

This is the easiest way to create cute, Anti-Valentine's Day cupcakes. All you need are some store-bought chocolate hearts, store-bought or homemade cupcakes, frosting, and some small cocktail swords or knifes. You can find the small sword-shaped toothpicks at most grocery stores.

How to Assemble:

Twist the knives or little swords into the center of the chocolate hearts.
Frost your cupcakes (if you made them or if they didn't come frosted).
Top cupcakes with the impaled hearts.

#3. Voodoo Valentine Cookies

These cute and clever gingerbread cookies come with little 'pins' so that you can have some fun poking your ex while enjoying dessert. Get the tutorial at Design Loves Detail.

Design Loves Detail

PS: For a non-edible voodoo doll for Valentine's, click here.

#4. Brutally Honest Conversation Hearts

These are funny for even people that are happily coupled, because let's get real, not everyone likes saccharine sweet and heart-shaped everything. Learn how to make these over at Not So Humble Pie.

Not So Humble Pie

#5. Poop Candy

If you are still, shall we say, working through some issues, then you might be thinking of revenge. If so, a beautifully wrapped box of candy poop sent to someone's workplace sends a real "eat sh!t" message and might even give you the giggles. Enjoy the rest with some friends over cocktails, and be thankful that you're done with the little sh!t.

David Y. Yun

Follow this recipe to make your own realistic-looking edible poop.

#6. Happily Single: Solo Cup Cheesecakes

If you are celebrating your singledom this Valentine's Day, then enjoy some of these no-bake cheesecakes served in mini Solo cups from Reasons to Skip the Housework. Cute and sweet.